Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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