I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
