FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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