you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
