you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
