No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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