I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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