If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
