I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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