they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
