Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
