I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
