she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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