i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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