she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
