If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
