last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
