He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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