ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We have started to decorate penises.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
