I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
