Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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