yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
