Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
