we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
