This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
