They should really pass out barf bags in church
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
