I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
