I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
