It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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