in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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