filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
