maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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