we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
