just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
