Welp...herpes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
