theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
