YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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