after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
