i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk is not a location!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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