bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
