so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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