i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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