If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
