Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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