I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
