Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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