wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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