Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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