I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
