don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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