Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
