i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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