no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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