I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
