he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
