You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
