my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ladies don't puke and tell
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
