so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
