Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
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I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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