We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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