I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
