he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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