His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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