So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In other news, I just burned my penis
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
