My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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